Monday, 12 December 2011


So last night had to be, hands down, the oddest "skelteton's out of the closet"-esque night of my life.

It started very normally, dinner at an average Italian spot with Amelie, average drinks at a local dive, no real solid plans to get the evening going.

Amelie and I chose this bar called Tile to grab a couple of after dinner drinks. We were making loose conversation when she noticed I kept staring at this blond woman in the corner of ther bar. Fearing I'd gone off to the other team, she asked me why I was staring at her. I told her I knew that girl's face from somwhere but couldn't place it, and it was bugging me. Then a few minutes later it hit me

****DISCLAIMER**** (I am a good girl. I have never, "gone wild", everything below this disclaimer are random events that may look like I am "wild", I beg your pardon, because I, am not wild, but very, very, tame.)

Several years ago, a good friend from high school that is rather well off, bet me that I wouldn't go into a strip bar and get a lap dance. Since he was paying and I was several drinks in, I took him up on that bet and went to Flashdancers in midtown and got a lapdance from a stripper. It was the most uncomfortable 3 minutes of my life, but he paid the $50 and I felt obliged to make small talk with the woman while she fake grinded on me. She was from Poland, had two older sisters, and was getting her medical degree.

She was also now sitting across the room from me and Amelie at Tile Bar. I never forget a face. I was 100% on this one.

What to do? How does one strike up that converstaion initially? Is it even polite to bring up a strippers past in a non strip setting? All these questions banged through my head as I attempted figure out if I would allow myself to puss out. I did.


So I puss out and leave Amelie at Tile to go uptown and meet James, my sometimes laywer and full time friend. We always meet at my old local, Deac's, where I have met some of my closest NYC friends. Always good people, and tonight they were giving away the Christmas party invitations, so it started out great.

I begin to tell James my tale of running into the lap dance woman when my cell rings. Its my friend from high school that paid for the lapdance that night. I hadn't spoken to him in 8 months, now ironically as I am in the middle of the story about the stripper he provided, he calls. He is visiiting NYC and only 3 blocks away. So of course he joins us and the night gets weirder.

I SHOULD HAVE TURNED OFF MY CELL AT THIS POINT, enjoyed the good company and music, and left it at that. But no, I had to keep recieving calls.

A few hours and several drinks later, the phone. On it? An OLD friend from college that once again I have not spoken to in 4 years (happens to be in NYC) and says this to me.

"Ang, I can't really talk, but I have one thing to ask you.
Do you want to be in a three way with me and a hot Spanish man right now? Because if you're game for it, it can happen, now. Just come meet us in Brooklyn."

after picking my chin off the floor I reply...

"C'mon, it'll be a blast. We can catch up, you know, have the threesome, and you can meet "Oscar", my fiance."


"Oh, and how's your mom doing? Ok fine, call me tomorrow, lets discuss this during daylight hours".


I walk back into the bar and NO ONE believes me. All the men urge me to call her back and meet her, all the women think after hearing both stories, that I am a closet lesbo. I can't explain well enough that I didn't enjoy that lap dance, and hello, I just declined the three way. Its just not computing.
So I called it a night. Went home, hid under the covers and prayed that freaky friday only happens once every 4 years, kinda like Election tuesday.


Another thanksgiving with the fam. Not so bad actually, just tiresome. The food was actually very good, even if it was the same conversations and the same avoiding of topics that are done every year.


I have quite a full weekend. Several friends from Texas are coming into town, we are going to travel to the wilds of brooklyn saturday afternoon and ride horses on the beach. I will keep you updated (for real). We will also I'm sure drink lots and provide you all with stories of how once again, I have proven incapable of attracting the opposite sex. Stay tuned...

AMELIE and I have already planned our new years resolution for 2005. Ready?

We will pitch a new non reality show to the major networks every three months untill picked up. Stay tuned for all the hysterical ways people in high places say "no" to us. It should be riviting. :-)

Please folks, enjoy your leftovers and drink some more...


God Bless Tom Brokaw


beware, the holidays are approaching...

In a few days, Americans from coast to coast will be attempting yet again to all get along for a few hours while ingesting shitloads of food. I also will attempt, again, to sit with my fractured and severely disfunctional family and pretend to enjoy myself while I am forgotten in lieu of the return of the original prodigal son, my brother Adam.

This year I thought I was set. Adam has been living in Germany since his last huge send off party in the spring. I thought there was no way he would be here to dominate conversation and blight me.
I was wrong.
Since he keft he has managed to get released from the Army (not honorably), fake an engagement and a wedding (to piss off my parents) to a gypsy and get deported from Germany.

Just in time for the holidays. He flies in tonight. And from what mom says, he's finnaly ready to get a job and work. (he has never managed this before). I predict he will work out a lot, get a new girlfriend and live off my parents. And have no less than 2 more parties thrown in his honor before March. No one will ask me how I'm doing (actually very well) or how my job is (awesome!) or how my new apartment is (awesome again! maybe one of you should attempt to visit it one day!)

Sorry to rant, I just know what I'm in for, again.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of you! Look for "Dispatches From A Second Helping" which I will blog from the dinner table, thursday. :-)


So last night Amelie hosted a dinner party. It was a lovely event with lots of new and interesting people. The other day I caught the movie SIDEWAYS, I suggest you all go to the theatre and see it, a real treat. In any case, the whole movie is about two men traveling through the Napa wine country for a week. And let me tell you, I want to be a wine snob. Not a real snob, just one of those people that stick their whole heads in to glasses and inhale.
Last night the 10 of us actually got into a conversation about Reisling and Port, it was exhillarating.

By 11:15 I was making comments like...
"Please, thats enough port...its a sipping wine you know"
"I do smell a whiff of Apricot in this palette is getting very sensitive to citrus"

not truly yet a bona-fide wine snob, just a barely broke woman pretending to be a wine snob.

I knew I had finnaly had enough when in honor of ODB I put on 36 Chambers and during the song "Cream" shouted out,